February 1st.... Kade is officially 2 months old and tomorrow will be 9 weeks. Time has flown by so quickly. February 2nd... I will go back to work and am very depressed about it. I have prayed and cried and have been comforted by a wonderful husband, but all of that doesn't make tomorrow any easier. Don't get me wrong... teaching is something that I know I am wired to do. The Lord has given me the gift of that and patience and love of children that it would be a total waste to never do anything with those gifts. However, Kade is the absolute joy of my life right now. Lafe and I love to just sit and talk with him, play with him, listen to his noises (appropriate ones and non-appropriate), and yes... even when he cries for hours. I am not ready. I don't think I will ever be ready. Financially, I just can't stay at home right now. The lady that will watch Kade is amazing! She loves children and I feel very safe about her. I just want to be there when my son cries, wants to eat, wants to smile, coo, talk and kick his legs. I want to be there to rock him to sleep and watch his little nose while he breathes. I want to be there if he doesn't feel good or feels great. I just want to be there....
For all those who are working moms and dads... I don't know how you've done it so far, but you are heros. AND for all those that get to stay at home with their children... you are heros, too. I am thankful for both opportunties and for this honor and blessing to be a mom.
I must also say that I miss my friends. I get to talk to a few of them often, but not like we used to. I miss the way we used to be and that we lived just minutes from one another. Love to all.
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